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CLIMAX OF SUCKFIESTA

Monday, June 05, 2006


twice the mistake.
and i claim i'm dumb.
i deserve something worst.
i've hurt him too much.

i'm not being who i am.
only one precious man
and i cant keep him happy.
i cant seem to please him.

who am i?
i was the 'fiercest' biatch in adss.
the most ' terror' student councillor.
a leader. a sister. a mother.
to people.
i stood for my rights.
i shout&yell at the top of my voice.
i hit with my bear hands til one bleed.
my temper is uncontrollable.
my emotions are strong.
but where did it go?

remember.
once we 'hang' the pinkladies/UHS in school for trying be a big shot.
trying to take over the B.V infact the whole alpha remix.
for messing with my sic*was* lil sis.
childish you may say.
but it was worth it.
for 4yrs popularity of bv/ alpha remix have been there. the top.
remember.
when we 'hang' that aisha clorox
for trying to bull&mess with b.v esp mas.
which stole the whole dance step from our previous self cheorographed dance?
remember when we 'hang' fadhilah.
for trying to talk shitss to our heads.
trying to mess our friendships.
remember. clearly? there's more.i know.
but where has this brutal vivi go?

long gone everysince i've once lost sumone i adore.
it was not once.not twice.
i chose to change. for the better.
but sumhow. it's not working.

i guess i'm too soft.
keeping quiet when i'm scolded by my dad.
looking down with respect not rudeness.
answering one word when questioned.
above that all.
in another moment.
i approach.
talk sense into the person.
in a nice, polite manner.
thats the me now.

not like the last.
where i beat the hell out of my brother .
slap him . scratched him.
for being rude to me.
now.
i called him in one corner.
and talk sense to him.
nicely.calmly.

giving him time to answer me nicely.
giving him time to know that i am angry with him.
with that time.
he could be thinking.
what had he done wrong?
had he done anything wrong?
was it his mistake?
what are his potential consequences?

people tend to do crazy&bizarre things at the moment of anger&depression.
time is what they need.
i've been through counselling.
i know.and i realise.
temper management & some basic manners is what we people need now.

i'm lost.
god, please lead me.
i wanna make him happy.
i wanna share my thoughts and feelings with him.
my happiness,mysadness.
twoway communication.
i want that.
but if only he gives me more time.

i dont wish to have his apologise.
i just want his deepest love.
his sincere devotion.
a lil more tender,care,love.
more.
just please treat me good.

honestly i'm tired of tearing.
yes true.
bt i'm not tired of him.
hopefully nvr will.
cause i love him so dearly.
i'm afraid this heart just become the old heartless.
i dont wanna lose another.

i hope he understands and willing to adapt to me.
as i'm really trying hard to adapt to him.
i wont give up.
i love him so much.
but he needs to give and takes.
but he needs to forgive and forget.

i dont pick point his wrongings.
cause i know.
no one's perfect.
i'm certainly am not.
i dont wanna change him.
cause i know i love him for who he is.
thats why i accepted him on 280406
i accepted him for who he is.

so tell me.
am i not good enough for him?
am i not being a patient gerl for him?
am i not giving him my whole-hearted love?
am i not treating him right?
am i the worst gerl anyone could ever had?

i must be.
cause he is not happy being with me.
i'm still tearing for him.
i'm still having this fear.
that he will let me go.
true.
there;s other hawt.pretty mermaids out there.
so much better for me.
it goes around.
but i'm not willing to let him go.
i dont think i can live another tragic disaster.
i'm at the climax of the suckfest.

i think i've screwed my life. his life.
i'm sorry.
i think i'm done for my exams.
my nights are gone.my days are wasted.

but
my sincere apologies.
my deepest love.
my worthy kisses&hugs.
really meant the whole world.
i mean it well.
for only he know.
if only he knows.

so tell me.
what should i do.
to have him spending the rest of my life..
in his arms.

i blamed myself for everything.
i'm such a sucker.
i'm trying.
please correct me when i'm wrong.
please praise me when i'm right.
please help me to help us.
please.
please dont let me go.
not now.not ever.

i'm willing to hold on.
only if he knows how committed i could be.
only if he knows how patient i can be.
only if he knows how i can treat him right.if he treats me right.

i'm so drown in love.
like the previous.
but i wont let history repeat itself.
i wont do the same mistake.
i promise to make it last but i cant do it alone.
i wont let this go.

let vivid crystals flow from my eyes.
let crimson red flow from my heart.
as long as i know.
he'll still be here with me.

i love him.='(
;'(

so this is goodbye.
i miss my b.v bitches.
i miss my alpha remix.
i miss my dearest imam.

once again i'm sorry.

..mugging till the dawn ...
p/s; remember the picture? depression momento.
for those dumb arses... its not my wrist btw.






xoxo ♥ sue:
9:13:00 PM