suefyzah

2010-01-04T19:40:00.002+08:00

if you're trying out on teenage love affair at 24.
atleast please do in behind closets. and do it right.

you're not good at it, then dont do it.
feeling so utterly foolish as i wait for the third mth to arrive.

:'(

wasted. u just lose yourself deeper when u claim to be searching for yourself.
careers? commitment? not ready?

you're just not ready to grow up baby.
its sad to see how u turning your life into greater disaster.
it hurts me...

let me drown myself tonight. just me n xtacy.
u just lost me back there.

its the 15th. when i cried my heart for u.
15th. not before.

i just dunno what else to say.
u lost ur religion.dignity.principles.yourself.

:'(

2010-01-02T15:22:00.000+08:00

ku menangis melepaskan
kepergian dirimu dari sisi hidupku
harus slalu kau tahu
akulah hati yang telah kau sakiti

:')

2010-01-02T15:10:00.002+08:00

Just so you know, i miss you so much like no words can describe.

but you're silence kept me wondering time and time again.
is the wait worth it.

so i decided.
that 5 am call would be the last call you ever hear from me...
but everything else you wanna call text me.. please do.

its not that im moving on so much.
im just waiting for u in silence.

til the march. hopefully we'll meet again.
i will always love you... and miss you...

bt i'll have my fair share of fun. while u have yours.

ily muhd sufiyan. so much. :')

2009-12-31T02:26:00.001+08:00

with love,

all the way from singapore.

:D your phone rang after 3 mins. heehee.

2009-12-30T14:40:00.001+08:00

the feeling is so nice to have a message in your inbox every morning :)
i miss the feeling.

its nice to have company....

i do miss you tho.

2009-12-30T14:25:00.002+08:00

i dreamt that he came :)
i was in a lime green tube long dress -.-" (i know... wtf was i wearing? green?)
kk lets put it as red. heh

we acted like we are "just friends" ...
but i was such a good host.
after showing him around town...
he said he wish he could stay...

things started to fall in place... :D
and i started to feel heavy when his flight taking off...

then...

the alarm went off.
i woke up with a smile.
and i cant stop smiling.
hahah!!!

:P

wan was right, you tend to dream about the last thing that was in your mind....
fzyang :D

ok its weird. and its wrong. but heyy i dont control my dream.
nonetheless... it just made my day. :D

2009-12-30T00:17:00.002+08:00

Maybe we need just a little more time
Time that can heal what's been on your mind
You can find what we lost before it all slips away
We need time to mend from the mistakes I've made
God only knows what a heart can survive
So many tears from all the pain in our lives
And where else could we go after all we've been through
I still believe my life is right here with you

I know its taking a while but every lesson, i've learned
And if your heart speaks tonight, I'll hear every word
If you want to be free I'll never stand in your way
But with all that I am, I'm asking you to stay

There's a light that can burn
It exists in the heart
You can feel it when you know love is true
If you could try to be strong
And keep the light burning long
It took a lifetime but i found it in you

So just hold on
And it'll wont take long
I hope that you can love me
When the pain is gone
I don't want us to fall through the cracks of a broken heart
Don't want us to fall through the cracks of your broken heart

:')

i might be gone if you're taking too long.

i miss you.

2009-12-27T03:12:00.000+08:00

I feel a separation coming on
'Cause I know you want to be moving on
I wish it would snow tonight
You'd pull me in, avoid a fight
'Cause I feel a separation coming on

Just prove that there is nothing left to try
'Cause the truth I'd rather we just both deny
You kissed me with those open eyes
It says so much, it's no surprise to you
But I've got something left inside

Don't surrender, surrender, surrender
Please remember, remember November
We were so in love back then
Now you're listening to what they say, don't go that way
Remember, remember November
Please remember, don't surrender

You said you wouldn't let them change your mind
'Cause when we're together fire melts the ice
Our hearts are both on overdrive
Come with me, let's run tonight
Don't let these memories get left behind

I remember us together with a promise of forever
We can do this, fight the pressure
Please remember November

021106

2009-12-25T00:01:00.002+08:00

if only i could bite my fingers off to refrain myself from dialin ur number all the time..
from typing messages meant only for u...
from viewing the video you made on my itouch..
from glancing through the pictures we had...

if only i have the courage to hit the delete button...

if only i could run to u and hold u..not letting u leave.
i guess everything was too late.

its only time till u open ur heart.
or
its only time till i close my heart.

time will time.
tears will fall... non stop.

how we used to be.
how we shud have been.
i realised i shud be more appreciative of u.
make u push every blame on me... and not fight back.
if that wud make u stay.. i shud have done that.

i'mma hold on till u are ready.
in time.

i always ask...
will u be there at the end of the road?
or...
what if i never appear at the end?

will u come find me?

until march, u promise.
i'll fulfill mine.
i'll wait.

baby,
everytime i try to leave something just pull me back,
telling me i need you in my life...
everytime i try to go something keeps telling me that..
everything is gonna be alright..
it was meant to be...
you were meant for me..
means we gotta make this work...

:'( i miss you so much muhd sufiyan.

full of ifs.

2009-12-18T04:36:00.001+08:00

baby i miss u already :'( pls come back..

2009-12-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

yan. i miss you.

i doubt u miss me.
but i do miss u.

2009-12-14T09:52:00.003+08:00

its weird that after so long... im quite used to his silence.
i dont wish to hope any longer... as each of us drift away
this heart needs to relieve the moment again 3 yrs back...
but this mind is in a fucked up stage.

i dreamt abt him.
weird. and ironically. i could rmmbr the dream well.
nonetheless. he is just out there somehow. not here.

anyway.

BDay party was a fucking blast. :))
love every sober moment of it.

i've been thinking....
do you believe in long distance relationship??

i'm contented. everynight.
:D hehehehehe

2009-12-06T19:57:00.003+08:00

Hope you are reading this....

allow me to do a crime for then u deserve my sincerest apologies.
feeling the heat now? soon you will .. lets just see...
for you have numbed this heart of mine.

just say the words..cause i'm all packed to walk out that door...
when u have reached my limits, u realise that its too late.
for this feeling would take as long as it wants to... to fade.
so yea. watch and learn. mr.up.yours!
i gave up with your fucked.up.complicated.egoistic piece of shitty attitude.

i do love ur mum. i do.

take care ah! -> now u have ur reasons to HATE me.
yesh i do take ur words seriously. now what you gonna do bout tat?

2009-11-30T14:06:00.002+08:00

i sometymes forgot i got a blog to update :))
hehe

i love my mum& yes.. my sis too.. truckloads actually.

weird huh.

2009-11-23T14:01:00.001+08:00

yet no apologies from you, after an hour or so on the cell... ? okayy.

2009-11-23T13:41:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHA PANDORA & SHERRY !!!! :))

xoxo :)

2009-11-22T00:27:00.001+08:00

i miss late grandpa....
i miss late grandma too...

i miss late grandpa most :'(

his like my perfect boyfriend.

i love you atok... nenek...

i'm terribly missing you both....

2009-11-21T14:04:00.002+08:00

gd bye PCF Marine Parade centre.
Thank You For everything :')

i will miss all of you... for sure.. esp the children....
but my proj and justice there is done....

gd bye.. SM GOH....

it was a great exp i would never forget..... *ooohh tawching nye*

now... where should i go... hmmm

2009-11-16T22:25:00.002+08:00

SUE FYZAH

i remember how he made my heart skipped a beat when i first set my eyes on him.
i remember how he made my heart beat fast whenever i am around him.
i remember how much i adore him.
i remember how much i am in love with him.
i remember how much i would miss him when he is not around me.
i remember how strong our love WAS.
i remember how hard we are trying now, to make us work.
i remember how worried i am to have lose him..
i remember how he had made promises to me... and broke it.
i remember how many lies he had told or kept.
i remember how many fights we got into...
i remember how many dates we went to...

theres so much thing i can remember for what we had for the 3 years.

all i know i still love you like i did 3 yrs back.
and how u make me feel since 3 yrs ago...

i l y. i do.

i hope 2010 would be better for us.... i can just pray and hope.

gd night.

2009-11-15T23:37:00.002+08:00

it took me weeks to edit get my blog done.
cause i was too fickle minded.

anyway.
been feeling a wee bit better now.
still hope mr. is here to take care of me.

i just hv a few points to note.

if u dont care abt anything i say.. why should i even give my fcuking time to even listen to your story.
its abt giving and taking right.
so mister. as a friend, i dont mind hearing ur miseries and happiness.
i just hope you take ur time to hear mine at times.
nuff said.

anyway.
i'm sorry and thank u for actually digging up my archives... and put in effort to read. i was seriously impressed.
just that i figured i dont want to prolong it.. by replying.
whats done is done. whats said its said. nothing could be change.
i have nothing left to xplain nor say.
i know my rights and stand. i know you have yours too.
i am just glad that you have understood my stand as much that i pretty much understood yours.
nonetheless.. what happened left a scar that i couldnt think of any possible ways to remove it.
i dont know...

if you are reading this. i thank you for being such a wonderful friend. and i apologise with all my heart for what had happened. but like what you said, lets keep what is worth. i keep mine and you keep yours.

i know you're a nice girl...im terribly sorry we couldnt have gotten to know each other better. i am sorry it turned out this way.but it had happened.
so lets live with it.

his worth all my risks. i do hope you understand :)

gd night.

p/s: hope to see mr. real soon.

2009-11-15T00:03:00.002+08:00

got to shake hands with SM GOH today :) unforch... no pix taken..cause he was dining. and i was sick.
wudnt wanna be rude. huh. =)

anyway k2s grads make me feel like weeping.... they all grow up so fast :')

p/s: still sick. and i miss you... :( wish u cud cuddle me to sleep tonight..

sha. i am beginning to hate the song liao... the fcukin guy gay making my ears bleed!!!
and his dance. maot or wad. LOL!

2009-11-14T23:49:00.003+08:00

back from hiatus.

imagine that... through hell and well, hell and... earth together for 3 years now.

whatever happens now.. happen.

we're not tied down to each other not quite the right mindset.

altho faithfulness is still what we hoped from each other.

on my part..is your honesty ....

all i ask. is that and a place for me to be cherished.

thats all. hopefully, more pleasant yrs to come with u... and no more fruitless arguments.

p/s: been sick for 2 weeks now. :(

2009-08-28T23:19:00.002+08:00

its indeed been a while (: in fact ages!

anyway. its been a bless to work now.
altho i realise i dont really have a life.
work.school.work.
my cert wud end in sept.
and my advanced dip wud start on oct.
for a yr.

maybe these are all for a better future?
who knows.

btw my team won 5th in bowling :)
i had strike and 2 spares (:
hahaha!!! miracle.

til then.

kids are indeed the darnest things (: adore them..

2009-07-20T17:01:00.004+08:00

i am sick and tired of arguing with you.
i have my life to lead.
and i am just trying to put my life broken pieces bck together
and here u are telling me how u hate me leading my life.

i love u. alot. yes i do.
but still who are u to judge me for how i lead my life.
easily falling in love thru words n gift?
if u're so damn right..
why arent u doing it so?

my friends. i love them as much.
my family. i could die for them.

i know my limits from family to friends to you.
dont u come and tell me how unhappy u are
cause u're not making me THAT happy either.
so call it even.
i aint the one complaining.

i am trying my best to please all.
and especially myself
leading a hectic life i am..working n schooling...
i dont even have the time to please myself.
and now i have to please u.
enuff with it, dad. and u.

who wud please me?
:'(

nothing u say can ever make me change the way i lead with me n my friends.
need we tell the world? when u dont even trust me.
why need u trust the world.
enough is enough.

when things are they ready made for u to read, love n cherish
u didnt appreciate it
when its gone, taking its own lead. u;re unhappy.
and yet its feelings for u is so strong.
u stil dont appreciate it, dont love it.

shame on you, u fooled me once.
shame on me, u fooled me twice. and it aint gonna happen.

your ego? or me?
one of us gotta leave.
cause i dont think we can co-exist.
so choose wisely.

you wont want to regret for the rest of your life.
ironically for what u have said
your age,you have no time.
so i advised. cherish n appreciate what u have.
buck up yourself to kip what u have with u... not let it astray.
if it left, its not its fault. blame on urself.. for not trying hard.

i guess my advise its not heed.
cause i dont see u even trying.
i know what i am doing.
but do u? do u even know whose feeling you're hurting.
we need to give and take.
ego vs . love. i dont tolerate shits no more.
not until 21 march.
so think.

who u rather lose.
yes i will be in great pain if u are dead n gone.
but i guess the pain wont be as painful the first time.
but u'll go thru further hell when i'm dead and gone.
u know it yourself.

treat this as a threat.
i treat this as an honest remark
read this..
i love you. dontcare what people know think or say.
all u have to do is love, cherish n appreciate and TRUST ME.
i KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.

i just have swallow. and take this piece of shit from u again and again.
gosh. i hate that i love you.
sounds cliche. but seriously fcuk.
knnbccb&*@&#Y^&$^

i miss scumbagz so much :'(

i dont want to work or school anymore.can?
i need a serious vacation.. :'(

mas..sha... i love u two babes very much.
mum, bro, sis... i could just die for you now.

take care people.
i need to take my med and sleep back.

:'( i hate going thru this alone....
why don't you just believe me when I say I love you, and only you...

alauddin. u fucking leave me alone , can?

2009-07-17T21:34:00.002+08:00

CONFUSION:

do i stop my schooling (learning capital) which is ending soon in Sept.

do i do something, negotiate, just continue?

PCF /PAP is sponsoring me an advanced diploma...

Learning capital is giving me a fundamental cert...

i am so confuse right now.... -.-"

ya allah, terangilah dan berikanlah pertunjukkan yang benar pada hamba mu ini.

amin.

2009-07-17T20:48:00.003+08:00

howza people.

its been a while.

i know

alot of things happened.

interviews.schools.work.

sentosa.movies. and more.

korean drama as well.

til i have no time blogging. (:

heh.

something tragic happened.

the family still isnt talking to dad -.-"

except mum.

i began to say a few words...to him now tho...

i am glad atleast bestfren is there for me.

thanks dude.

i want to cut my hair.

and i am bored...

so i came across corny pick up lines...on the www.

check this out.

Nice legs...what time do they open?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock
Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long..

Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns...

You're so hot, you must be real reason for global warming
You look a lot like my next girlfriend

You must be a parking ticket, cause you got fine written all over you

Do you have any Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc. in you? (She says: No) Want some?

Is there a rainbow here? Because you're the treasure I've been searching for
Do you have a map? (She says: No, why?) Because I keep getting lost in your eyes

kk theses ones are fcuking cheesy. LOL!

Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?
I'm new in town, can you give me directions to your apartment?

Hi, how do you feel today? (She says: Fine) I asked how you felt, not how you look

Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business

You're so hot, when I look at you I get a tan
Can you catch? I think I'm falling for you

Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?

NOTTY! NOTTY!

I can get you off the naughty list
I'll make you shake like a bowl full of jelly

All day I make toys -- all night I make love

F*ED UP LINE

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away

Hi, my name is ____. Don't forget it, because you'll be screaming it later on tonight.

LOL!

kk..pardon me.

i'm just bored.

too busy with work n school.

and when i got the time to blog.

i dunno whta to write abt.

LOL!

p/s: i AM so confused with my choices of life now.

get well soon yan.

gd night.

FAVOURITE!

I'm gay, straighten me out!

2009-06-28T12:56:00.002+08:00

helluva weekend with dearest family.

got a taste of my tiredness.. well-paid i guess lol!

i cant wait to shop.

till then.

2009-06-21T01:31:00.002+08:00

i havent been blogging or virtually active lately.
apart from constantly being on fb n ebuddy ofcoz (:

how i miss telling suefy (my blog)
// i just decided to call her suefy like seconds ago..so suck on it ;p//
abt my daily life and how my work and school has been.

school. i love my class n buddies i've made.
but exams getting closer and i have yet the time to study -.-"

ouh did i mention i am down with my skin allergy, as so i presume.
whole body down with rashes.
tho mum n dad gave me the " ouh i dun think so" kinda look when they saw the biggest rash mark at the back.
its more like erm... " its more than just a rash.." kinda expression.
so as the doctor. he also gave me the look.
well hecks.
i keeping my fingers crossed and pray i get well soon.
i cant stand the humid n heat making everything itch. -.-"

ouh sister bf' family coming over later to "seek hand in marriage"
awesome. but i wud be working later.
didnt wanna stay home and stuck on too much on this traditional things...
btw..dad is away now, back to kampong i may say in Port DICKson.

i've been so busy, occupying my time with routine things.
that i realise soon enuff i have no life.
lol!

and boy, i cant deny miss u. and do wanna give u a chance
but for now. i duno what i want in my life.
if with god's will, maybe u'll linger longer just in time for me to say yes...
for now. this is it.

for you, my fren, i felt so used by u. until now.
but cudnt be angry at you cause u helped me go thru it for the months.
still..." sebenarnya, di sebalik senyumanmu itu, ku mengharapkan kau merindui aku..."
even if its a lil bit.
but even if u dont.
it doesnt bother me tho.

my self moti. live to the fullest by following the flow all the time.

p/s:
babe. i actually cried at home thinking of the news u told me.
i held my tears in frt of u cause i know i need to be strong for u....
and i shall be. i wud like to be among the first to know the truth to it.
alright? be strong. i am always ALWAYS here for u as u had been for me.
i love u babe...
and i refuse to let it bother me...
for the fact.. if u are never gonna be there for me ever again.. :'( i'll go numb.

:'( i l y s m b.

back to one piece.
and shucks! sha u got me thinking of cedric the whole night sia!!!
damn you vondemot vondelmort vandemot.. ahh u tikus peh boss.// however to spell it.
u killed my beloved.
k i know crite lame. eh biarlah...aku nak feeling ke.

kk seriously, back to one piece.

GOMUGOMUGOMU BAZOOOKA!!!!

2009-06-08T01:08:00.002+08:00

it was such a disappointing news to hear i wud only get my hands on my cash....

by the end of the month.

so its like working for 2 straight months before getting paid.

-.-"

i feel bad for my mum. sorry ma, i had to "defer" .. and wait for a while more before i start taking financial responsibilities on the household.

nonetheless.. i am not complaining... i love working (:
the environment is awesome.

i guess i have not much to say now.
going back to facebook.

i think i shall start using my twitter account..
i;ve created but never did know or understand how to use it.
hehe.

till then.

gd night people (:

2009-06-05T23:43:00.002+08:00

a customer offered me a sweet today.
thats the nicest thing ever today (:

class had been fun.
i am the personal assistant of the class rep who appears to be the only guy in class.
so go figure -.-"

i shall head to sha's place now.

ouh yah...

ALL THE BEST TO MY BABE MASSYTHURA ON HER SI AUDITION (: !!!!!

ok till then.

gd night people.

2009-06-03T01:01:00.002+08:00

i broke a toe nail.
like literally it broke. it bled so badly that i was dizzy for that moment looking at it.

i didnt wanna wash it.
thanks to you for being there (:
i do miss the time i depend on you for securities and all.
thanks qal for ur motivating messages too.. heh.

atleast some care. (:

i am still sick ..and sadly i spread my flue ard at work.
my bad.

and finally... i got jakey back by my side. (:

ouh yah... and pls sir, i am not vikki amelia.

gd night people.

i shall take my leave now.
where are they when you STILL need them ...

chaoz.

2009-06-01T01:09:00.002+08:00

i wish someone would ask me... how's my life doing.
cause its not going so well.

yet i still smile.
i'm losing everyone.

anyway.
tmr working full shift -.-"

p/s; its so good to see you. i missed you.
altho its was hard for me.... (:

LETS MAKE TOMORROW ANOTHER DAY LIKE TODAY.

2009-05-31T01:57:00.002+08:00

seriously, i am a good girl today.
i stayed at home the whole god damn day!!!
have been on xmen evolution fever.
watching season 1 and 2...

and now watching one piece from epd 1 with my brother -.-"
yea tell me abt it...

ouhyah.
and

family meeting just now..was a total waste of time -.-"
like as it has always has been.

(:

gd night.

2009-05-30T20:27:00.002+08:00

like the welcoming picture?
lol.

it was getting a bit dry so i figured to put a picture.
i wudnt wanna be self-obsessed and scare the crap out of people by putting my picture on the first page ( welcome page).
x-men is all i can think about (:

i figured to start things afresh slowly.
it begins with a new blogskin (:

i have to get my mind straight now.
my focus is on my work and my class.
classes had been so far so good.
i am beginning to really get into studying.
eventho in class half way thru i always feel like sleeping...

nonetheless... i am thinking much on career at this stage... unlike my friends.
i guess. i envy them.
i still wanna have the taste of fun.
or am i too late?

mum keeps telling me, with my family current situation.
theres no time for fooling around or taking a break.
i have no source of happiness at this point of time.
but i appreciation that everyday turns out mediocre-ly well.

i wanna feel the feeling of being miss.
i wish you would stay a little while longer til the time is right...
for me to know what i really wnat in my life.

and for you...my friend...
i dreamt of you..and i miss you...ironically.

okay sidetrack jap.
aku baru tahu juggernat ke jaugernaut ke AIS ah senang kate... is
professor x aka ammar half brother.
LOL!

kk i know i'm abit late and all.
(:

okay people.
i shall be a good girl from now on... until the time of the month.

gd night.
family meeting tonight in less than an hour.( WTF! kan, so lame!)

kk bye! i miss jakey!

2009-05-26T00:09:00.002+08:00

i am living my life sastisfactory-ly, everyday...
i dont know how i define happiness for now.

for i dont know what are my pillar of strengths...
and for whom i believe are meant for me....

everything seems to be a ruckus.

for all the late night luffs, puffs, riding, and phone calls seems so temporary.
i feel something amiss. and empty altho i smile.

i miss someone. a companion.

i myself am unsure for what is right for me ...for what i want.

i shall be on a hiatus.

for those who had been there.
thank you.
for those whom i've hurt.
i am truly deeply sorry.

i am still trying to get over what struck me to cry again a week ago.
well.i'm just crushed.

hectic.hectic.hectic.

school starts tmr.
i gonna tire my ass out..from now on.
i wont be virtually active anymore...like i used to.

i am going to be on a hiatus anyway.

till then. gd night.

i miss smiling to sleep while hearing someone's heavy breathing, on the phone...

2009-05-05T02:57:00.004+08:00

my day went alhamdullilah... perfect.
not a WOW day. but a day i wud love to have every now and then.
work was smoothly well...

new boss yang tk campor org peh kes.
nonetheless..

ADI!! u made me wanna cry! of happiness
thank u bro..
for visiting me at work.
the honour goes to u.. to be the first to meet me at work!

and the other honour goes to HAIQAL SAURES~~
my beloved crying buddy...
to be the first to fetch me from WORK!!!

thank you so much krg!!!
you guys made my day!!
SYG KRG!!!

but it was a nice ending. that make a good day perfect.
when to titanic with the two cousins... (:
and yes.. i wanted to see you!
thank you for coming down. (;

i am so happy today. i can sleep with a smile on my face tonight.
even tho.. that person fell asleep already.
(:

so anyway...
congrats to popo san for getting through the first round (:

your loyal *fans*

nervous.

a great friend. a gentleman. a nice companion. (:
thanks for the date...altho so sorry it didnt went the way we planned.

over labour day,
my beloved cousin... had her engagement.
i am so happy for her..altho the whole ceremony was abit depressing for me.

later that night. i didnt thought cryin in your sleep was mere possible.
until it happen.
it was playing on my mind when the day you let me go as i kissed n hugged u tight.
you said.. "kalau jodoh tk kemana..."
and i said please stay.

you let my arms around you, go.
as i cried on my knees.
you smile and said.. dont cry..everything would be fine... just bear with it...

and i wonder now..how cold u had been.

but i am moving on now.
pretty much smiling everynight now... cause of the great night companion i am having.
(:
P/s: i just love how you knocked me down (;

but i still wonder.all the time.
what were we to be if u're still here with me...

take care.

work.class.hangouts. SOON!!

2009-05-01T00:04:00.001+08:00

i feel like crying tonight.
ouh boy... why did i get myself in a mess.

and the feelings between us just happen....
so how am i to fight these feelings.

am i trying to win a losing battle?

i'm dead bit.

2009-04-30T23:31:00.002+08:00

my time spent.

and meet scumbags very on.. xmen(s)

she wants to be raven.. but i prefer rogue...

this is jean.. the pheonix.

and i shall be shadowcat.. soon ah...

my hair... i shall miss it...
insyaallah going brunette (:

2009-04-25T16:04:00.002+08:00

i remember the nights when he used to sang to me...
and now it shall be mine to tell him the same...

Darimu, kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati

and...

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik
untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun
takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang telah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

my life goes on...

2009-04-25T03:35:00.002+08:00

i know i shudnt be feeling this,
But the thought of you cheating never ever came out on my mind.
So tell me why are my instincts telling me otherwise....

This isnt rilli my concern anymore..
But its just a feeling i cnt help but feel..
Hey..i am still a human with a heart altho its broken,

I know i wud fall in love again...someday nt soon....how i badly wish i had never met him and know his existence at all.

Fr now, putting my life back on track is my priority... And not forgetting...jake baby.

Gd night yall.

2009-04-24T19:38:00.002+08:00

i am begining to pick up the broken pieces in my life again.
thanks to my friends that stood next to me all the way...
And my mum sis n bro...
And a big kiss to my dad who had finally got me my baby... And a grad gift...

Thank you guys.You guys have no idea how much i love u people.

I am in long john now. K.. Adi wants to see my new baby,, jake. Till then...

I wanna see ur smile later so i cud smile as well.. Can?
Bye.

2009-04-22T23:26:00.002+08:00

Tiada lain yang ku harapkan
Hanyalah secebis sinaran, kebahagian untuk diri ini yang kesepian...
Bilakah akan akhirnya derita ini....

- i need someone to hug me to sleep tonight.
i dont know why am i feeling this way...yet again.

still,
i hope you are doing spankingly well there....

how much more need i resist by just listening to your recordings...
is this going to bring me any goodness.
i dont know what to do anymore....

almighty, please give me some signs for me to start my life again....

i feel so crappy tonight.

gd night.

2009-04-22T00:22:00.002+08:00

its a month now.
and god knows how much pain is this has brought upon me.

- how i wish you would call me tonight, so i wont feel like crying bt him ...

2009-04-21T03:38:00.002+08:00

i dunno who i am anymore...
why does it hurt so much all of a sudden.

whatever it is.
he chose. i chose. to make US a past now.

so why does it still hurt so much.
i am so tired.

so tired :'(

i wish you are all well out there.

mama, i am so tired ma.... so tired ...

2009-04-19T23:50:00.002+08:00

i miss me ranting, crying on the phone...

" you.... my back is aching.... i feel like giving birth!!! (not like i know how it were to feel like) you.... :( canne!!! sakit you.... argh!!! I HATE MENS"...

and someone to entertain my cranky mood ....
and someone who would just smile and hug me to sleep when my body is all sore...
and someone who would just remain calm when i was so pissed off for nothing....
and someone that would massage my spine so i feel much better...
and someone who would make me an awfully comfortable spot to sit so i wont ache...

ouh yes.
and that was..when there was you....
:'(

but now you're gone.
and now its just me.

2009-04-19T22:19:00.002+08:00

my weekend went splendidly smooth.
talking about saturday in particular. (:

altho one moment i just broke down and freaked the hell out of haiqal.
the whole day was one of the happiest moment i ever had..after you know wad. (:
apart from sheesha (:

i love being with the company of my friends...
you just came to know your true friends... at the very moment when your world came crushing down, you can see them picking the pieces up with you....
:')

sentosa was all i need. making a ritual to come there every month now.
with the free tix privileges we can get.
lets keep this up.
its the most absurd thing i can do now, secare halal. (:

thank you, for sucha wonderful saturdayy....

*********************************************

i know i am stronger than this.
my greatest apologies if this entry lets down any of my dear friends.
but i couldnt help it.
and i dont know who else to rant on. i guess everyone knows my state now.

it always kill me when i am alone. listening to songs we once sang together.
songs he sang to me. songs he dedicated for me. the first song i fell in love with his voice.

what i miss the most, is his smile.

its 2 more days... for it has been a month.
i guess i;m getting the hang of it...

i have to get through this...
for my family, for my frens.. for myself...

**********************************************************

and i get myself in this.
i shall get myself out.
i cant feel like this ...
if things went back like before for you,
i shall pretend... there was never my existence...
for all you had done for me...
i thank you....

i have! to lean back. lean back.

**************************************************

my heart burns in pain again tonight.
but i wont cry, i shant, i cant.
not anymore.

gd night.

2009-04-18T01:10:00.002+08:00

come what may, cause i shall just follow the flow... ~ as laid by the almighty above, for me.

and so suddenly i feel numb.
and my tummy hurt like $^%*$##&%$##*
vomitted twice today.. but nothin came out.
cause... i didnt consume anything today. :s

ouh please make tmr a bettet day for me (:

with love.
fyzah.

2009-04-17T04:36:00.002+08:00

good morning fellow readers of blogspot.com
to be precise... the very few bloghoppers/readers of suefyzah.bs.com

okay i shall cut the crap and get down to business.

i have been thinking thoroughly &yes Adi.. i do too much thinking..
but i couldnt help it. i just gotta.
theres many things in my mind now.. i dunno which on to begin with.

*takes deep breath..listen to the soothing breath of someone sleeping soundly*

okay. its 4:40 am and i am awake.
why..? to do some thinking ofcouz and then blog.
i had to write this down..
so when i read it again... it will remind me again if i accidentally overlooked things..

honestly, life is getting better alhamdullillah.
and i have to get my habits to pray again. more thoroughly
but this time i shall pray for my happiness i deserve and not ...
"ya allah... tolonglah daku utk menerangkan hati yan untuk mengambil diriku kembali..."

i wont deny, i had move on. no i kinda have not.
i still lay down at night, when i am alone.
how is he.. is he missing me... but those are just questions now.
that my heart content feels empty ...
in other words. i dont a shyte whatever the answer is.
i do feel depress... sometimes still cry....
but someone would threatened me to stop crying *hmmph*
anyway...
a lil pressure on him sets him for a break, such selfish reason , i realised.
but what abt me then....
and so... my mind had set its "falsafah hidup" to move on, not wait for him.
if eventually he came back before my heart shuts for him, that is a different story.
for now, i have no intention or hope or whatsoever to be back to where i was 2 years ago.cause he isnt making any moves or signs. if he doesnt bother why must i? betul tk betul? (:

theres greater things for me to do.
and boy, i am so fucking desperate for a job right now.
and my cert course is in may. kinda excited for that.
and i am still trying to open up and mingle. but just not the time yet for now.

are all guys the same?
with my sister recent big fight with her bf, reminds me of what i used to go through,
oni worst. my blouse was nearly torn. bt it was my fault.
i guess.

anyway life has to go on... *getting sick of tis phrase sia*
but yea.
i know i have said so much abt the ones i am grateful to.
but u never know how much i am thankful.. to you people.

i hate the loneliness at night.
i hate to not know whats mine.
i hate not to care for one being.
i hate not to be taken care of.
i hate not loving anyone.
i hate single-hood actualli.

i hate not to be in love.

but well. i quite enjoy the freedom to be one's date for a while.
bt thats a different story.

for now,
i really had to say this.
thank you, cause you helped me to go through this and not dread on it.
you made everything ard me sound okay.. and made me forget the pain i am going through. without your help, i think i am still lingering with my memories.. and crying till my eyes bleed..*kk maybe part ni bedek..bt u guys get wad i mean*
i am outta lean back now, cause i dont wanna get tangled up with pain again.
i shall manage somehow... to follow the flow, so come what may...for me for you for us...

to muhd sufiyan,

thank you for the greatest memories we had since 021106 til 220309. it had been a blasting full of ups and downs... a great experience one can never forget.
but i guess it wasnt meant to be then, but you were the best i ever had. and i swear, i had never loved anyone like that before. i am wiling to go far with you, but i guess, u failed on me, on us. Nothing more to do now, but for us to lead our own way, just like u wanted.
i am trying to live happy as defined by you. and i let u live the way u defined yourself.
Its true that " tuhan yang menentukn jodoh kite" bt isnt it true also that .." kite harus berusaha..." nonetheless everything is too late now. i realised its a test by god above.
i wish u well (half-heartedly..) and may you get what you wanted or deserve.
i shall miss our memories... and all. but i shall stop loving, missing you. furreal.

my note to self: not to rush in searching for a replacement for my broken heart, cause the person would only feel rebounded. (: see, i am such a kind soul.

i wish for everything in my life to be semuanya cun saje *kening naek2* (:

so anyway.. i get so f*ed up worried for a stupid urine test for two nights. FOR NOTHING!
thank you lalabyby for being healthy. haha (:

and yah i cant wait for this saturdae!
hope it doesnt rain!
*insyaallah*

p/s: i am washing my hands on my passion in denial dikir.
cause every single *clap*beat*song* reminds me of him.
yea it hurts. so ya..sacrifices must be made.
i am this serious in getting over this.
i am sorry if i let anyone down.
i have myself to care about than others.
the final comps are my finale...

i wanna start afresh.
i need a life. (:

p/p/s: i love voice calls and msn recording (: i sound like a dj !!! huahahah!

thank you for calling (:

love, sue.

2009-04-16T18:51:00.002+08:00

SYED ABUDI SAN

here's a shoutout to you ( as pre-requested)
my greatest apologies for your un-announce name previously

but here it is, you deserve a BIG THANK YOU from me, my dear friend (:
thank you... for being there for me.. and entertaining my nonsense on or offline.

SO THANK YOU SYED SAN!!! (:

there. i said it. hehe
kk ni betol2 ikhlas. haha

2009-04-14T02:32:00.002+08:00

i am beginning to grin again....
hopefully my grin last long enough for me to pick up the pieces in my life again..

i wanna thank greatly to those who is/was/are/were with me through this rough phase.
everynight i pray that god blesses their souls to be here in my life.
making my darkest corner of life bright.

i have come to a conclusion..
and i need my dearest friends to speak up on their view.

in other words.. oh yan,
Pendirian ku tegap jumlah kali kita bertengkar memang genap untuk kau ketahap ini
Silap kita memang patut sama sama kena sepak
Tapi bukan niatku untuk salahkan dirimu aku sedar ku
juga ada kekuranganku tapi kalau bersifat mementingkan
diri sendiri untuk kebaikan bukan kurang ajar tu..

i wonder. if he were to do this to me this time due to his selfish reason...
if there is ever a next time.. would he ever do this to me again...
i guess he could....if he screw me and left me once. he can always screw me and leave me again.
and when i mean screw as in drill me. and get me caught in his love....okay.

need i be selfish to get what i need or want or feel like its worthy in my life?
see!@#&*&$&*$^@^$@#@_)#_@! i told myself not to be dependent so much.
and see!U*@&$&@#&@)*$*@&$&) i am already stuck with it!
argh! i feel like running at full speed and hit on a wall...
knock myself out in unconciousness and wake up only when all feelings are gone.
and all i can feel is numb...

yeah. can ?

i wish that day would come...
that i would sing...

lagu ini bukan di radio setiap hari utkmu
lagu ini tidak perlu kao kembalikan kepadaku
lagu ini hanya ingin kau fahami...ku sudah teruskan hidupku,
semuanya cun saja....

(: one day wud come...
that i shall sing this proudly.

thank u lalabyby for the song..
i enjoy the melodramatic chat we had this morning.
with the plot and scene. it was very real.

evenso, i hope he isnt mad at me....
cause the thought of it is killing me... and i cant sleep
and my heart starting to burn again...

as i wonder about what am i going to do now.
did i just get myself into a deeper shit.?

why. :'(

2009-04-12T22:34:00.002+08:00

after almost 4 days.
he called.

and yet.
my feelings were confused.
its lost.

more like no feelings.
i dont know what is wrong with me.
but i felt good about myself.

maybe i would regret later on.
but for now. let me enjoy on having a grin on my face.

no, no, not you.
he is actually.. the reason i smile and slowly moving on....

thank you. =)

2009-04-12T13:20:00.002+08:00

my heart is burning.
as my body start shivering.
i curl myself in a ball hugging myself tight.
and the tears began rolling down..
i gasp for breath in between the cries.

do i deserve this?
why you? why this?
its been days i had been using all the strength i have in me,
to refrain myself from leaving you a text or a call.

even so, not a single moment, u left my mind and heart.
i stared at the pictures, listened to the songs i recorded of u singing me to sleep.
and random videos i would caught u doing things w.o u realising.
i know, i tested the fire... and now i got burnt.

to not know that u miss me, or am i still in ur mind and heart.
to not know u still think of me... or love me.
to not know whether i still exist to you.
to not know do i still mean someone special in ur life
to not know whether u have another...

it kills me to bits.

and when u live ur daily life like there was never traces of me in your life before.
while wherever i go it seems everything revolves around you.
tell me, what i deserve to be so faithful and loving u with all my heart?
is this what i deserve?

if only i could pause, skip this phase and all...
or stop and rewind to the part that i never met u at all.
the 2 years meant so much to me... so much .....in which i wish it hadnt.

i can survive the day... no doubt.
its the killer nights... i feel like suicide.
being alone in my room.
surrounded with the atmosphere which holds so many traces of you...

i miss someone... to be there for me at night.
after a hectic day... someone who would call me up... and say..
" hey baby, how was your day.... Mine was okayy ah... ~~~ "

and he would go on and on after giving my chance to tell him my day...
he would talk non stop abt his day and his lame random taglines...
until he suddenly keeps quiet and starts breathing slowly...
and soon... i listens to his soothing breathing as he sleeps.

and i would whisper "i love you so much... dont leave me..." in his sleep..
without any hopes for him to reply...

but he would. he would reply.
" i love you more than u love me baby... i wont leave you..." and continue to go on into a deeper sleep.
this all. i miss.

but i guess those are just empty words.
cause you left me...

i miss waking up to a message that never fails to come in everday...
"good morning baby.... wake up sleepyhead..i miss you.i love you..muacks..."
and i miss a random time, as i walk in between my classes...or as i sat for a drink with my frens. and the phone beeps..to a message saying..." sweetheart i miss you...i having my break what u doing...."

but its all in my past now.
would i ever get to have these again?

i just have to be strong now....
and putting what we ever had to the past.
i hate what we had, cause this is the outcome.
i am trying to hate you... for doing this....

miza baby, we shall get through this okayy...
lets be strong together...
together with naqiah and ira...
thank you gerls...
i love you.

and of course.
massythura and sha pandora... for ALWAYS being there no matter how late it is.

and haiqal,
thank you for hearing me cry my lungs out ... sorry to make u "lost with your words"....
cause i was crying very hard.... you worth something to me, my friend. be strong too k..
and we shall get through this and move on happily together. insyaallah.

and to you,
thank you for coming to my life now... keeping me company at night...
trying to make me laugh... i truly really appreciate it. in which it scares me tho.
i dont wanna depend too much on you.. cause you...are just not mine...but more likely hers.
i rather be safe than sorry.

i hope i move on....
and come what may... be it a new man in my life or you.
lets see what god above has for me later down the road.

you, my saviour...gave me a very good piece of advise last night.
seriously.

thank you my friends... i love every single one of you...
yes i do! really...

for now...
my heart is still burning in pain...
and i am losing my appetite now&then.
and i feel like hurling....

i really want to get this done and over with!!!

let's go.

2009-04-07T20:10:00.002+08:00

honestly

you see me out there with a bad hair day?

its almost everyday now.

wanna know why...

my hair is in a mess???

HUH!! YOU WANNA KNOW!!! * stern tone*

cause... my life is in a mess. * sad mode*

i'm pretty much messed up.

behind closed door at home.

and even my social life.. (love) is messed up.

in other words.

i'm F'cked up pretty much y'all.

yea.

moan bitch moan!
(huh? ape tu. k tu sumpah takde link. saje je. bye!)

2009-04-07T19:27:00.003+08:00

even when my life came tumbling down...
i have these people to get me up on my feet... for most times (:

these are Le'Scumbags and affiliations

the recent time when we have the private rooftop of mosi cafe all to ourselves.
specifically le'scumbagz

this is wrg in a few ways.

1) HE IS NOT MY BOYFREN but my junior...
*just posing*
2) Masjid but blakang aru abez BANG! *HAH KAO!*
3) it is soo bo chui he is kissing his own hand -.-"

:') i love these two bitches

till then.

i still miss you so much.

there's never a moment in my mind i stopped thinking of you.

why dont we just reconcile huns...
cause i really miss you so.

but that is just my wishful thinking.
you would not feel the same.

i s l y b.

i am hidden well behind my smiles.

an honoured wallpaper in falah's lappie (:
teehee'

loves.

i pray..."you'll come back to me, soon"

2009-04-02T21:23:00.002+08:00

can somebody. anybody.

please whisper to yan...

"Behind all her smiles, laughter on the phone. She teared when you hang up...Fizah misses you so much."

i wanna move on. but my life still feels so empty. i am severely haunted by the past.. and memories we had...

"if only" questions filled my head.. and "does he still..." keeps playing in my mind.

i wanna skip this phase of getting through the pain... and moved on happy.
apart of me.. wanna just give my all to live my past.

i wasted 2 years of my life. i just felt that way.....

for all i have been faithful... is this wad i deserve?

fizah starts chanting ...

" i love myself.i love myself. i love myself"...

ok bye.

p/s: please do tell yan alright. i'll love u so much if u did...

next up. interviews. medical check up. and certs.

2009-04-01T02:39:00.002+08:00

i slept with my mum last night...
cause i couldn't stop crying.
she cuddled me to sleep and tell me...

" he isnt yours anymore... why would u miss him who doesnt miss you back.."

and so as sha's mum said...

" no matter what.life has to go on..."

i guess mothers are always right, no?

2009-03-31T01:38:00.000+08:00

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand
But how do you expect me to live alone with just me
Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

so tis is what he told me last night:

what drove me away is you, you, your pressure, your character, your
personality... it isn't what i fell in love with.. who you told me you were..
who i thought you were... my feelings just faded.. and i have no feelings for
you.... anymore... unless if its really fated... perhaps next time...

so tell me. i didnt know where i went wrong. really.
but i guess he's gone. and theres nothing i can do...
cause he wont help himself. so i cant.
perhaps he said. perhaps.

so tell me. how am i suppose to live till a miracle come by
i'm holding on to my very last breath and my faith to god above
i regret.. waking up every morning... cause the pain still lingers.
i regret.. ever falling in love with such a man
but i know. i will get through this

so i promised to my mum. sis. and my beloved friends
yes and god.
i'm still alive for all of you.

dont blame him. it's never his fault. it has always been my fault.
i shall... will.. gotta... get through this.
cause everything else is broken like shattered glass.

gd night.

2009-03-29T23:23:00.002+08:00

When you were mine, you know...
We had it all in front of us
You were the one i was in love
But you always hurt the one you lost
I couldn't get enough
You were everything that's bad for me
Make no apologies
I'm crushed black and blue
But you know I'd do it all again for you..
You get the best of me
Now what's left are the memories
I've got nowhere else to go..
I swear I'd do it all again for you..

~ inhaling nicotine into my lungs as i sit on my window of my room, yes on my window.

2009-03-29T20:52:00.002+08:00

even when i'm facing a problem which i always used to share it with you.
i won't. cause u have your own set of problems.. in which you are not telling me.
and i wont wanna top your problems with mine.

and above all.
even when u knew. even when u heard me crying.
i didnt get a text from you.

its been hours.

i miss you so much :'(

and all i asked for is to be free.
if only i could run away from all this.

:'(

2009-03-28T12:22:00.003+08:00

Muhd Sufiyan....a song from the heart...

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people
And sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really want to see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you, but I have to
Breathe without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

It's 2AM
Feel like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

I'm sorry.

Love,
Your distant-girlfriend.

2009-03-28T11:55:00.002+08:00

for massythura babe,

goodluck for your britney concert tour competition okayy...
break a leg babe.

lots of love.
suefyzah alba. (ouh tk eh?)

2009-03-28T11:12:00.003+08:00

good morning ...

i came to conclude that i can live my day with a smile.
the motto of " smile for me people..embrace me with the happiness in your life..so i can happy as well.."

i dont wanna share my sadness with the world. but i chose to share your happiness....
so please world...smile for me.

and that goes to you too... muhd sufiyan.

whatever happens when im alone behind closed doors..when the sun sets...
thats helluva different story.
but nvrmind me now.

just smile for me people.

with lots of love,
the girl who needs all the smile in the world.

2009-03-28T02:10:00.002+08:00

oh boy, if only you know how much i love you.
and how much i miss you.
and how much these eyes had teared for you...

if only you felt the same way baby. like before.
i will hold on to your hand, refusing to let go.

lets talk a walk through the future and take this time to change our imperfections.
i am smiling for you, living my life now... to see you happy.
let's hope that you certainly get what you left me for.

i love u. i love u. i love u.

~ from the girl with swollen ankle.

2009-03-26T20:37:00.002+08:00

i am not letting us part.
i shall stand by you like a shadow. by the shades.
i shall wait on you and not gave up on us.

~ i love you.
praying everynight u'll get your things achieve soon and come back to my arms.

2009-03-25T00:56:00.004+08:00

Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me

Did you regret
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget
About us

So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don't forget
Don't forget

We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won't forget
I won't forget
About us

And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
I won't forget us

But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
You've forgotten
About us

~ and my mum cried with me and hugged me to bed, tonight.

he said. his heart locks itself up and it was just fading before i manage to save it.
i hold no place in his harden heart anymore.

he's forgotten. abt us.

2009-03-24T06:26:00.002+08:00

i survived the day w/o a tear in heart.
but behind closed door i poured out my heart content.

i just dont know what is left for me to do.
i hope someone can be there for him, gees...ofcourse there is..
LINA would definitely be there for him...

i'mma cancel medical checkup tmr.
and i cant bring myself to not blog.

i have not slept since the night he let me go.
almost 36 hours....

i need a job. i need a life.
i need a companion...
i need to talk to him... :'(

i was putting such a brave front smiling and laughing...
but wth. now?
why now?

of all ppl. aiman just said " i dunno what to do ah.."
and of all ppl..." yat had to be the one telling me....giving me advise.."

i am so depress now. seriously.
i'm stuck. what am i suppose to do?

swallow everything up like i did 2 years....
or stand on my ground and make him learn.

~ ouh wells... time to fake a smile again as the sun rise.

i miss him terribly.

2009-03-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

he ended it.

i pretty much deserve it.
gd night y'all.

i shall be on a hiatus i guess.
soul-searching ;)

i am fine guys. no worries.

2009-03-20T21:45:00.001+08:00

my life is a mess.
he's such an ass.

- hangs self on rope.

2009-03-19T10:44:00.002+08:00

Honestly, i have not been asleep since last night.
I went out at 5 am to enjoy to morning breeze ..
And then it rained... ugh so depressing.
And i gave my mum a shock...
when she thought i was out the whole night ... to be back at wee morning.

i just needed sometime outside very quiet enviro.
to think things through in my life.

for those who knows my heart content...
this is the response i get from him...
honestly... i can relate to this.

All this time I was wasting,
Hoping you would come around
I've been givin' out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it's taken me this long baby
But I figured you out
And you think it would be fine again
But not this time around

Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waitin' in the cold
And you got to share your secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would have gone away, no
You used to shine so bright,
But I watched all of it fade...

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby,
Like I did before
You're not sorry.

Somehow he gave me a reason that his family are facing a crisis on its own.
and well. rule no. 1 that goes w/o saying... family comes first.
and w.o any explanation or whatsoever.
he just shuts me out and expect me to bear with him...
like wad.. i am the criminal here.

i am the damn victim living a zombie-like life... and he ask me to bear with him!??
dah knape kan!
what the hell is he thinking!!?

ouh if onli the gladiator is here..i'll ask him to kill me where it hurt most.-.-"
on second thought, this hiccup i am having right now is killing me...already.
geesh. i need some sleep right away!!!

oh god, i dunno what to do anymore. HELP?!

2009-03-19T03:02:00.002+08:00

i was below my average percentage of happiness.
so i bought snapple today.
snapple makes me happy.

snapple fact #71:

There is a town called Big Ugly in West Virginia. (:

and so....

ooooh yan... i want nobody, nobody bt you....

okay aku tahu the starting of the video sumpah tk perlu.(:

- i need a walk through at dawn.

2009-03-18T06:45:00.001+08:00

Sagittarius

November 22 - December 21

Today’s horoscope:

Relationship issues will come to the forefront today when it feels like someone isn't being completely honest with you. It is time to reevaluate the situation and ask yourself -- is this person adding anything valuable to your life, or just chaos? Do they make you happy or confused? If they do make you happy, then this tenseness if just a phase you are going through together right now. Don't give it another thought. But if they add only chaos, and confuse you -- it's time to end it.

- by glamour.com

2009-03-18T01:23:00.004+08:00

i wish you would call me.
i wish you would text me.
i wish you would find me.
i wish you would pamper me.
i wish you would sympathies me.
i wish you would miss me.
i wish you would love me.
i wish you would feel sorry to me.
i wish you would cry for me.
i wish you would die for me.
i wish you would fight for me.

i wish you read this.
i wish you just DO SOMETHING.... for me to me.

yea. me and my wishful thinking.
just wishful...thinking
someone please tell him, he is killing me softly.

2009-03-18T00:52:00.002+08:00

so you've been back for a day already.
but why doesnt it seems to be any differ.
you left me in a mess...
when things between us were unstable.
and you left w.o any reassurance just plain empty promises.
and now u're back.
yet i am still left hanging.

and yet i dont feel your "sorry" at all.
you kept me hoping and expecting.
and all u can say is....
"i promise.. but next month okay.."
and it comes the next and the next.

you dont even call nomore.
and even at the brim of losing me...
you did NOTHING.

and so one shit thing u did...
doesnt really make u feel any remorse?
and u said and think i am enjoying myself.
you brought me miseries, to cry everynight...
and i dont deserve to spend my days with the company of people that actually care for me.

and yet its not the moment i am asking for.
i hope and pray its from you,
but i guess....

i am just nothing but just a foolish dog trained to wait for you.
maybe i shall wait.
well i have been waiting for months now.. why not one more.
its like a mutual thought and feeling to be taken forgranted by you.
you seemingly lost yourself in your alter ego.
so be it.

lets see where my patience really sets her limit.
while my dignity were really ticked off by the last incident.
where people lied straight to my face... and you lie to me for months.. to cover it up.
i am still proud and grateful that my instincts didnt fail me for the months you were lying.

next month dude. next month.

for now.
lets enjoy the way things are, my friend.

your presence in the island doesnt to differ much to me, now.
why YAN why?

p/s: i know yan doesnt read. so yeah.

i wanna go cry to my mum now. ='(

2009-03-18T00:26:00.002+08:00

*We just got a letter. We just got a letter*
*We just got a letter*
*Wonder who its from?*

=)teehee.

its from ... TEMASEK POLY!!!!

so what does it say?

I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED MY COURSE (=
i am happy goober.
but yet. i love studying ... hates exam...
loves allowance and pay..hates working.

then how?

2009-03-17T00:38:00.005+08:00

so today,
when to register for my cert with massythura (:
from tanjong pagar we walked to haji lane. (yes, we walked)
and then.. we went to sheesha!!!

okay atfirst i didnt like the flavour of sheeshaing.
but seeing how excited mas is for the last minute plan.
we gave it a go.

and i chose cappucino cause fruity flavours make me wanna hurl.
&& surprisingly, it was soo nice (:
no kidding.!! the best. ( padehal second time sheesha)

& i learnt to like it.
since there were not much pressure of ppl looking at me..
i sheesha-ed like a pro.. ouh tk eh...
see this...

smoke it.
and let it out! see...
do you see it came out from both my nostrils and my mouth ^-^
stylekan *kening naek2*

not visible enuff? how bout this? *kening STILL naek2*

huaha. okay so we were finding jobs as well on that day. action je.

and then adi came along.. and ordered another round of sheesha.

massythura spears

after staying for three hours there... or so. we decide to leave for home (:

thanks babe for teman-ing me today.
&& sorry that i got the icing off the cupcake first and ...plus the cherry on top.
awww.. that made my night (: HUAHAHAHA!!!
dont hate me girl =) hehe

sorry i might not be able to teman you tmr to pick up dorothy (her PINK camera)
(:

anyway farewell party tmr in school at lt12.
wth? in school sia... LECTURE HALL somemore.
my mind thinks like "dont go!... " but my heart say " go la.. wont die mah..."
sheesh.

let see if i can wake up 8am in the morning. heh!

anyhoe. supiyanto is back in town.
yeay?!

heh. till then. gd night.
the day went so well today... so happy..so grateful.

2009-03-16T00:04:00.004+08:00

SENTOSA. sneak peak (: hehe

more in my multiply (:

it's been three days.
he didnt call me the whole day today.
ouh wells.

today gathering at grams place was hilarious.
but half of the time i slept. =) and eat first thing after i woke up.
yes, prangai babi sempot. hah

i dunno wad i'm gonna do with my life now.
applying to study in courses that i like.
tmr enquire!!!*note to self*
(: i love school actually.
work? not time yet ah...
but still... i need a job. heh! like seriously.

i have loads of things to buy.

okaylah. i need to go entertain myself.

gd night, y'all.

2009-03-15T01:07:00.003+08:00

omg. its been a while.
TODAY! i had so much fun !!!!

thanks to shasha, azri and adi,
an outing for the co-founders of le'scumbags.
ouh tk eh? ahaha

too bad ammar wasnt there.
we went Sentosa today (:
yes only the sweet four of us...

it was NEVER a point of mendakness.
and it was helluva fun ...

we camwhored la crazy.
and hopefully to git it loaded by sha. (:

till then.

there were NO cork ups. (: except for being paranoid over dogs. heh

in denial, i miss you.
i am craving to see you and hear your voice.
but i wouldnt wanna back down.
i shall wait.

toodles++

2009-03-14T00:15:00.005+08:00

he is gone for now. for four effing fucked up days.
i dunno why i am sad.
ouh right. cause he is/ was MY BOYFRIEND.
he is on VACATION with his family ONE WHOLE DAMN BUS to the land of the penyuss.
-.-"

anyway, put my depressing mode aside.
reading my "what a damn loser i was" through my archives.
i vow not to post any EMO-SHIT post.
huahaha. ever.
if i do.
give me a hate-tag.

oh pls do.
check2 aku maki hamun kao je. tu jer. promise...
takde suroh le'SB carik pukol kao... takde nye. promise... (:

so anyway.
since everyone is on with party pits/chalet and VACATION.
my weekend (sat je) shall be consume with the le'scumbag co-founder meeting.
ouh tk eh? insyaallah la eh.
huahah.

and so.
i miss whom who still my boyfriend and i am not gonna say it.
cause i dont feel like it and its my own business cause this IS my blog.

and.
i am bored.

i'm dying to feel sands on my feet while the sea breeze blowing through my hair.

i feel bad for not going out with him as promised to the fair.
but wells. its time for me to take charge of things my way.

till then.
gd night!

i love my hair tonight.
feeling ~~beyonce~~ boncet-sey..

kk tk eh?
kk vanessa bulge-en ah? kan?!

ah betul ah tu cam vanessa. nye bulu ketiak.
hahaha

its suefyzah myonette gomez binte sufiano banderaz gomez y'all.

k dah.~

i m y lah!!!!!!

2009-03-13T04:11:00.007+08:00

its 4 am and i was awaken from my sleep
finally i am terribly grateful, my migraine is gone.
and i got my stomach filled.

i sat down lying against the bed frame.
i wonder...why did i cry so much, why did i go through this which seems everlasting pain?
i definitely deserve some shut eye as i stayed all night, last night, crying as much as my heart could take.

& he has yet to repent and make ammendments for what he had done.
& i have yet gotten through this, ready to let go.

all the promises he made, about making me the happiest girl alive.
maybe my expectation was over-rated.
nonetheless, it was just an innocent wishes and hopes.
the saying goes " a girl can dream"

so what now? as i thought to myself.
let's be friends.
cause partners DONT LIE to each other.
unless you are cunningly smart to cover. in which i doubt you are.
so HONESTY is the BEST POLICY.
let's be friends.
and i thought BESTFRIENDS,
were suppose to give the BEST ADVISE to one another.

"People sometimes lie to protect their loved ones.."

& i thought? why do something that you know jolly well might hurt
your loved ones?
& i thought, again, so does that mean IF i ( in which i never) cheat behind you,
i can lie to you?
cause i know telling you would hurt your feelings?

am i making any freaking sense here?

my deepest apologise in going back against my words,
that i would lock my emotions in the deepest darkest corner of my heart.
but it is only humane to respond on emotions.
and if only you are as humane,
to seek forgiveness after what you thought you could get away from lying and all.
and if only you are as humane,
you would live up to YOUR WORD, PROMISES and stop making me wait and all.

yes, my love is like a roller coaster ride.
i love him with my whole damn life.
and at times, i hurt him as much as he is hurting me, right this moment.

baby, i shall wait until you are ready to seek forgiveness.
your sorries, top with flowers and wonderful dates.
yes, i require high maintenance now, due to the great damages you've made.

till then.
i'mma grab myself some medication to sleep.

i love my girls for being there for me, atleast making me not thinking of the scorching pain my heart feels everytime my phone feel silent for such a long time.

no matter what.
just remember, i love you so much.
but that doesnt mean i would live my life with you, hurting me.

adios'

2009-03-12T08:35:00.003+08:00

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
And all you know
And how you speak
Countless lovers undercover of the street
Off in the night
While you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me,
Lying on the floor, surrounded,
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put to much energy in healing me
Can't wait till I get through this phase
Cuz it's killing me
To bad we can't re-write our own history
Such a mystery when hes here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

Seems only like yesterday, Not even gravity
Could keep your feet off the ground when u go to me
How can two be as one
We've become so divided now
There's no use hiding from my misery

How did we reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy

-where did i go wrong-

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did i go wrong?
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
You will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when all these interacts and portrays well of the recent, current situation.

where did i ever go wrong?

2009-03-12T07:39:00.002+08:00

what is a girlfriend to do?
when somehow it seems her new bf was seemingly close to this girl friend of his who she (girlfriend) has not spoken to much in which he claims to be his bestfriend in poly?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when her boyfriend seems to have forgotten his girlfriend somewhere within his distance waiting for him as he seems too engross in a conversation with this best girlfriend of his?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when the boyfriend knows the girlfriend's insecurities and yet not let both girls mingle well or introduce closer to each other?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when the boyfriend lies to the girlfriend covering something that he knew would have hurt her feelings?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when her boyfriend did something that would hurt her feelings? and worse still live to lie about it?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when that best girl friend of his help to re-tell his lies and live for it?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when she promise she wont show any hurtful emotions if the truth were somehow told?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when her emotions run over and she lose control... and broke down?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when her boyfriend shows no what so ever remorse or guilty response for what sins and lies he told for months she tried to believe him, yet her instincts never fail her.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when everytime she learns to forgive yet the past haunts her?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when her boyfriend has yet to seek forgiveness for what he had done, and he dare say its all her fault for being not understanding?

what is a girlfriend to do?
if she herself has sets of lies waiting to be let out but never did. in his case, the cat is out of the bag and yet the boyfriend is living in his world of indenial and lies.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when everytime she shuts her eyes, tears come running down as she reminisce the arguements they just had and how she checks her phone every minute to see if there were any messages from him.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when she always put her boyfriend to mind and trying so hard to make a difference, a significant relationship differ from others.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when she loves and willing to forget her boyfriend? while he doesnt loves her as much as he said he would (yet another lie) and has yet to ask her forgiveness.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when she is crying this very minute hoping he would call and ask whether she is ok?

what is a girlfriend to do?
when her boyfriend's ego is bigger than his love towards her.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when she realises she just had enough of him and his lies. She just couldn't take it anymore.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when she knows that she had tried everything almost to be the perfect one for him. and yet she herself isnt kept happy and prosperous.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when she realise somehow as he keeps leaving her astray, her love is fading. and yet she remains loyal ad faithful to him.

what is a girlfriend to do?
when she suddenly feels so alone. lost. &single. taken forgranted.

so what is a girlfriend to do?

she lets him go.
she's not over -reacting right?
atleast not until he pleads forgiveness on his bended knees...
and a surprise he promised months ago complete with scents of lilies...
on the palm of her hands.

the troubles they went through before had taught her to be strong.
she tried to be resonable & get pass this. to forget & not forgive.

but what is a girlfriend to do?

she is just loving him in silence. waiting.
as he continue living his life with lies. with the help from his gd friends.

what is a girlfriend to do, right?

2009-03-12T04:38:00.001+08:00

you lie to me.
i was made a fool.
he lied to me.
she lied to me.

2009-03-11T23:22:00.008+08:00

well ladies and gentleman....
boy & girls... gays & lesbos....
guess wad??!

I GRADUATED Y'ALL!!!

alhamdullillah!!! (:
erm. where got time school ni seme?
i am so happy that i graduated. so screw it with my MP. did nothing much anyway...HAH! but wells SIP! pass with commendation!! (: THANK YOU LAH MR XU MORAN!!!!

i guess school isnt so bad. after all.
3years of school work stress and all.
all come down with its worthness.

and now. w/o any monitor and guidance.
where do i go from here....?

nonetheless.
I, Nur Hafizah Binte Mohamed, am a proud TP graduate (:

i rest my case !!!

p/s: okay so i took more than 3 mins to write this post.
blogger was sucha bitch to not let me load my slip.

till then.
for the tp-ians : pelan2 kayoh la hoh!

*slaps thigh*

hauhahahah! (:

i miss my school mates already...

2009-03-11T23:04:00.002+08:00

today, woke up by three messages and a call (:
at 4pm!

anyways did my chores ..
and this monkey (Ayul) called me...
to teman him in woodlands while waiting for massythura...

so went out and meet him. then head to meet mas under her block.
then since abg NS da dpt gaji (:
he is being such a dear to give us a treat (:

and then headed to sha's area to meet the rest of the LOYAL HONEST scumbags (:
and headed home. after some time.

so this is just a random drawing i did. in the career talk (:

i had such great news!
i gonna tell you on my next entry in 3 mins time.
a special post for such special news!!

p.s: bro...its quite a good news the happenings got postponed. (:

i miss supiyanto. nvr sms me whole day.pfft~

2009-03-11T05:38:00.005+08:00

the whole day was my treat (:
the main plan was to head to the beach.
however the weather was mean to us... maybe because of syed abudi san mulot yang masin
thank goodness i got ourselves a back up plan.
went to town for e2max. (:
with bf, nikki, fadhil and syed.

we rent a room and catch ourselves a dvd, body#19.
sesungguhnye aku sumpah tk paham crite tu...
walaupun fadhil and naqiah tried to explain to me.
but thumbs up for the suspense and the gore shits.

so after that the boys were suppose to go for training.
but since yan has not been sleeping since the previous night... and abudi has been working since wee hours in the morning..
they give it a pass.
besides i was cranky cause i was hungry.
yes aku prangai budak gemok.
abeh dah gemok.. canne.
hahah.

so they split ways.
fadhil& naq off, and me yan and syed off to eat at lucky plaza.
ouh! and ayn joined us.

so after that we grabbed ourselves some caffeine.
and then off to sit somewhere for breather and chiller.

then off home.
bf and syed cheat my feelings on that day.!
(just a random note to self)

and bf sent me all the way home.
thank you baby.

hope you enjoyed the day....
cause i did (:

til then.

f.y.i: i still have sentosa on top of my LIST! and karaoke with aiman&ain.

and bro, i know today is your judgment day. i pray for the lightest sentence bestow upon you. all the best for you.

i love you, baby boy. (: honest.

2009-03-07T20:22:00.003+08:00

ytd (:

watched underworld with yan....
then we went to dinner with him at causeway for my all-time craving ..
fried fish soup....

due to some cock ups
i followed yan to meet syed abudi san and ayn gorgez in sengkang (:
after some time finally get to meet AYN! heh
then after a while alep came to meet us.
and then off our separate directions.

yan alep and syed san all went to andiks training in their new location now, bradell heights cc.
while me and ayn spent our time in compass point.

then off home.

and today just came back from jemputan -.-"
stayed for hours there .. and mybad for wearing heels.
now my legs are aching.

and i am craving for caramel frap and mango/grape snapple.
and its been sometime since i tasted pizza...

and i miss my boyfriend already.

and i am my parents are arguing just next hall.
right this very moment.

and now you should have the idea of why i prefer to find job and go out and just OUT.
anywhere not home.

not that any of you would bother.
anyhows.

gd night (:

p/s: when i was applying make up.
i think i have some similarities with paris hilton.
ok besides the fact we are both very unmistakenably HAWT!
ouh tak eh?? haha!

i think my right eye is bigger than my left eye.
or isit the other way round.
i dunno ah. but it is just not matching.

nonetheless. the word HAWT defeats it all (:

2009-03-05T20:46:00.002+08:00

my blog isnt been abandoned by me y'aw.
daily life routine has been plain simple for me.

waking up in the afternoons.
spending the night before watching foreign dramas online.
doing house chores which has been norm to me.....

at night, if there is any meet ups.
i would meet my wonderful scums...
till before my curfew.

yes i'm a 19-yr old dork with curfew.
yes i am living my life...with 'some-some' kind of family.
nonetheless...

i am grateful for what life i am leading. deep inside.
but wells.
life is like a whore.
it sucks ^.^

till then.
gd night.

p/s: hope you're having fun at your dnd by.
i m y.

2009-03-02T14:34:00.003+08:00

yesterday was the Piala Buluh Perindu competition...

after madrasah, i went to bishan cc to meet the girls and watch the comp.

bf's group andika

andika kencana

kenal? cucu datok merah

hisham fahmi zul and saiful...

wahana deksu.

congratulation to andika for 3rd placing.

and andika kencana for 2nd placing (:

hurhur.

p/s: the whole family cried that night.

but it all ended well.

2009-03-01T00:27:00.003+08:00

lunch/dinner at sakura.

and then off for his training.

nicenice set. (:

i pretty much liked it ..no LOVE IT.

and yes i've said my fair share of apologise.

thats all.

gd night.

gd luck @ndiks.. for tmr (:

2009-02-26T20:00:00.002+08:00

it's great to hear your voice today.

altho it will be a week now, since i last saw you.

i miss you, hun.

and you too massy...

lol.

yesterday night. helped sha with her art. at her home.

sikit je tak byk. i so suck in art.

i want slumber party =(

till then.

i shall wait, yet again.

2009-02-26T00:49:00.004+08:00

there's yet to receive your call.
again.

you've always asked for my inner patience.
other than waiting.
this is spiritually emotionally physically mentally testing my patience.

and so i shall wait.

so.. how have you been? what are you doing?
wonder... just wondering.

that's all.

i miss you already....massythura spears. :'(
have a slamming safe trip. have fun!!!

gd night.

2009-02-25T17:39:00.003+08:00

its been more than 24 hours now.
i didnt know i would stand that long...
i guess i am adapting to your way now.. and again.

i hate things are at home.
take me somewhere nice pls.

2009-02-25T01:13:00.003+08:00

applied and done.

feeling as tho i'm getting sick ..
get caught in the rain on the way back from having lunch with azri and my brother
at woodland mart.
so i spent my day sleeping.... due to insufficient rest that night.
and i shall spent my night watching Underworld part 1,2,3 online

i watched ENTITI with my brother minutes ago...abt supernatural things.
and now even going to the loo, i need my brother to accompany me.
hahhaa

p/s: after wiki, now i know CLEARLY the storyline of Underworld 1,2,3 (:

and you sir, you're back to the old one? i presume.
gimme a moment to pull myself together and before faking a smile...

you're back ... tsk.

2009-02-23T23:07:00.002+08:00

my palms are all sweaty now.
it's like my first time interview or some shit.

i was thinking.
it isnt government company. so is it worth it??

it contradicts me enuff...
to who i am like. my personality. my upbringing.

i know i am NOT THAT ALL BAD.
but i am not THAT all innocent.

i feel guilty now. even before i got it.
in which it comes down.. will i even get it -.-"

"what is the doa sblom masok tandas..?"

ni aku tahu.

"what is the doa bgn tido..?"

erm? bismillah? alhamdullilah aku maseh alive and kicking..amin..
ouh tk eh?

whatever it is....
i want this so bad.
but i scared i cudn't live up to it...

but i really want it.
so how....
wish me luck...

doakan.

my mum just broke my self-confidence with some remark -.-"
now i'm dampened...

i need some moral support....
banners and cheers for me anyone?

doakan aku ye.

insyaallah... things wud go the way its meant to be.
thank you kak. thank u kak hawa...

2009-02-23T17:03:00.002+08:00

my sleeping schedule is oh-so screwed.
i slept at 6 am this morning only to wake up at 4pm.

suppose to meet hazhim -.-"
but wow-wee look at the time.

this is all WLIIA! fault.
got me so addicted to it.

okok i shall do my house chores now and bath (:

see you scums later.

2009-02-22T22:27:00.002+08:00

i just ask for a simple, interesting, nothing fancy of a life.
and yes.

simplicty is best.
the greatness of simplicity has yet to know its limit.

:)

p/s: i'm really beginning to miss my boyfriend.

2009-02-22T00:40:00.004+08:00

thanks le'scums.

it was awesome. it was A BLAST (:

karaoke was FUN!!!

more pictures here !!

*SCUMBAGS BER-KARAOKE*

too bad byby left us half way
and i teared. like really.

i love le'scums.

and byby.
you are great. keep on trying syg.. dont give up.
ni seme cobaan.
i know u somehow can get this through....

muacks. i love you (:

***************************************

2009-02-21T01:09:00.002+08:00

today.

rent dvd the strangers with the girls.
mas and sha.
we had lunch brunch munch at wdlands mart with shamir and haikal/

watched at mas house.
then headed out to cwp.
after sha changed. and me taking my appraisal forms.

then met fran. and fathu.
then went to do what i was suppose to do
shopped for blusher fer mas..in which she ended up with a concealer (:
thanks to her bf. heh

then we hang out at titanic
with random questions and confessions.
then along came haikal shamir and his friends.
then fathu and my so long nvr see bitch ayul (:

so after some time of hanging out.
we head back home.

(:

atleast i did.

i am so looking forth for tmr (: hehe
le'scums lets go!!!

btw. no baby.
i am not angry
just disappointed.
things nvr go as i planned... cause of ur IMPORTANT priority.

i never object.
i support you and stand right by you.
only i hope things go my way at times...

next time kay? please.

gdluck.

2009-02-16T18:18:00.002+08:00

replies to my ouh-so-loyal taggers (:
heheh cheychey!!

Ammar TONY in DUBAI - Assalammualaikumwarahmatullahiwabarakatu wahai teman ku yang seriously dah lame kite tak bertemu!! amaciam kao? baek?? minyak kat sane amaciam??
aku ade HW dari uztaz aku.. so... let's meet okay... abeh nnti kite camwhore... so proof to uztaz k (: K GO!!!

p/s: dah ammar aku dah complete homework aku jugek (: heeh
and kite tige beradek tak perangai eh. haha kao ah nak step join! haha"shhhhH!!!"

and i am thinking of the white cap -.- which i forget what it means.
anyway dah paham lom ape maksud paradime. haha!

Massy Noah in Amsterdam - well massy ammar seems to be alright. still alive and kicking. unfortch actually hahah!!!

ANDREA SARALINA!!!! - I MISS YOU BABE!!! I SUCK AT ORGANISING SO SOMEONE SHOULD ORGANISE US TO MEET!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!! <<<<333

sha - babe. takmo layan ni due ekor. dorang kurang kasi syg! hahah!!! *eh wait brb.. lindsay just texted me*.... (2 mins later )
kk back... btw... i just wanna tell u.. be strong hold on alright... your friends are here for you no matter what ! i love you babe.

anyway i have something to share.
if its not entertaining to you..
then go and DIE LA sey!

1)

Afrah was parking the car.. so she was a newbie..damn noob. so she was taking alot of time to park the car.
and then... when she finally seems to get it nicely parked.. she reversed and stop...
so nizam wanted to alight the car..
HOWEVER... afrah drove the car out again...
so nizam was blur and ask....

Nizam : KAK! kak nak gi mane ni??

Afrah : Sabarlah! (out of irritation cause she was seriously frowning and concentrating to park the car fucking accurately i dunno for wad...) mcm nak kluarkan potractor ngan ruler je untuk die... -.-"

so anyway... nizam reply was....

Nizam : Sabah?? JAOH TU... nizam tk bawak passport sey kak... canne..!!! ( seriously in panic)

his acting ...he got it best from his sister Fizah (kening naek2)
ouh tk eh....

2)

Afrah Nizam fizah and their Hot mum ( ouh tk eh) went off from the carpark to the void deck of their flat (duh takkan nak gi umah org laen kan!)

then SUDDENLY!!! (jeng jeng jeng!)
Nizam spotted ~~MAS'OD~~ i mean a small rodent. !!

Nizam exclaimed : EH!!! mousey mousey!!

all the three Beautiful ladies (ouh tk eh) turned their attention to the RODENT then is running so ever cutely towards them...

(imagine) from the drain to the childcare and hide under the cabinet..

so their mum started to panic (duh makcik takot tikus... paham2 je la eh)

so being a hero... Fizah stood near the cabinet (padehal sumpah die pun takot tikus...)
Fizah and Nizam stand guard to not let the rodent passed them...
so Afrah and their mum can rush to take the stairs up....

and soon their mum and afrah took off. and nizam tried to scare away the rodent... (in which he succeeded)

Nizam : eh NI TUJUH SATU SEMBILAN NYA! lu jgn brani nak jejak #02-622 ah!

he shouts as he opens his wings (direct translation for bukak kepak) and walk so ever so gangster like.

Fizah : MUAHAHAHA!!! kao dah knape !!??

Nizam : takde ah... gua hang tu tikus ah.. kan dah lari! tahu takot!

and as fizah continues laughing.... they headed up to their flat.

and then their mother ask why the hell is fizah laughing so hard. (i oso duno why she finds it soo funny) the fact that her brother actually tries to "TALK" to a rodent...

so fizah told her and her mother say...

Mum : Nizam.. what if org dgr... nanti ingat nizam gangster...

Nizam : Takde la ma.. tikus tu jer la....

Fizah : still laughing...

Mum: yelah mane tahu tikus tu gi bilang org,,,

Fizah : what the ?! -.-""

Nizam: yelah tu.. dgr2 nanti die balek... die ckp pat members die...
"eh babe... tadi gua kene hang la sia ngan mat 719 ni siotzzz~"

Fizah, Mum, Afrah: burst out laughing...

Nizam : check check nanti ade org ketok pintu...
mickey mouse dgn minnie mouse nak hang nizam balek..

Fizah Mum Afrah : still laughing

Nizam last comeback was : A'ah asl... tapi!!! lu peh member tu...dah hang gua punye gina tau... (gina tu referring to my mother...)

siak peh budak panggil mak sendri gina.

by this time... fizah was the only one laughing cause mum doesnt really know this kinda lauguage.... in which fizah is curious on how her brother knows this low-life language.

****THE END*******

till this hour. Fizah still finds it funny.
she's nuts. she's sick. i mean literally..

and i dunno wth i am speaking in third person.
bt wells its been fun. hahah (:

okok if you not luffing or actually giggled or actually smile.
you seriously shoud go and die la!!!

okok so they say. i'm lame.
so screw you (:

++bye!

***********************************************************

2009-02-16T17:57:00.002+08:00

my sweet valentine (:

more on my multiply.
friends only la eh (:

you're de'yan.